The True, Healthy Detox

Hello!

You must have heard this lots and lots of times, especially during this new era of social media, but we care too much about looks. And you know, I'm not saying this as your old bitter uncle in a family gathering, complaining about the teens of today, not at all. I'm saying this as a teen, because I know just how easy it is to get sucked in towards these things, especially as a young girl.

We're constantly fed with ideas of what we should be, dress like, act like, eat, drink. We may not bend from these pressures but it definitely gets stuck in our brain, like a small annoying reminder when we go against these stuff. We may see a photo of someone beautiful and joke about it like #goals, but in fact inside we'd kill for a body like that, for a pretty nose that model has, for those fashionable clothes we wish we had money for. Now, when you face these things, you can act in 3 certain ways. 

1. You can live in bitterness and refuse to be anything like them, claiming that you love yourself like that and laugh at them and try to get away from everything fashion/makeup/whatever related, mock other people who do like those stuff and pretend you're on a higher level than them; 
2. you can totally let yourself go, loose control, spend hours on instagram searching fitspo posts, try to be someone you're not, completely over do it;
3.  and you can accept that there is an healthy balance, because there really is one. 

I'm not perfect, I've been that first phase, full on hating other women who even wore mascara, preaching the more natural look whilst feeling awful on the inside, living in bitterness. I've never been that second phase, but I'mm trying to reach that balance. I love makeup, I do, but I'm more than that, and I've realized that I've only gone make up free in public like at least 10 times in the past year and a half. It's completely fine, I'm comfortable that way, I'm not trying to over do anything and to change my face, only to enhance some stuff, but that's not all that I am, and I'm afraid I've kind of let that image of me sink into other peoples minds, and I don't want that. It's brave to wear makeup here in Portugal, it's not something that people use a lot, it's something that it's judged, mocked largely both by men and women, but I'll never ever feel guilty for wearing it, that's a promise I've made to myself. But now, I think it's time for a bit of a detox. Not from outside pressures, but to prove myself that I have it in me. So I plan on:

• Don't wear makeup at home or in public for 1 week
• Don't visit any social media for that week, and maybe extend it to 2 weeks
• Don't buy anything beauty/fashion related for 1 month

Now, some people must be like "o...kay.. that's not hard at all" but I'd be lying if I say the idea for me doesn't scare me a bit. I want to detox myself, because although our looks are a way of self expression, and even a powerful weapon, they can be stressful and superficial. I want to be able to prove that to myself. And also get away from social media because it usually gives me urges to buy some stuff or I obsessively check toxic people photos that I know are going to make me angry and I still do, so yeah, a full on detox. I want to feel more clean, I want to feel inspired, I want to change the game, to break some black and white notions. I don't feel ashamed for being who I am, I'm proud that I'm committing to this idea. I love the internet, I love make up, and I love myself, and I have the ability to create a balance between addiction and poison vs. true freedom and a clear mind. 

There, have some inspo to also commit to this in case you find yourself in the same state of mind and restlessness as I am, and good luck. I also urge you to check out this site and this instagram account and read through the photos and different pages, she was the person who inspired me. Once again, good luck.

Nobody knows me, except myself

 I wish I could put on some glasses that would allow me to see what other people think of me, because I'm sure all the people I know would have a different perception. People who barely know me would maybe think I'm a bitch, or grumpy all the time. Classmates could think I'm great at history, that I'm a bit shy and irony runs through my veins. Sort of close friends could think they know me. Thing is, all these people know bits and pieces of me, not me as a whole. They have all sorts of perceptions about me, or other people, for that matter, that they think they can come up with valid opinions about stuff they don't know.

 What makes people think they truly know their friends? You can be friends for like 3 years and not know a single thing about the other person, but since you pass so much time together you think they should have a voice on certain matters. Nobody knows me, and I constantly feel like they try to manipulate me, make me feel bad about stuff they don't really know but think they do. Nobody knows me and I'm alone and in 17 years I wasn't able to make a friendship that'd last more than 3 years, except one, but even with them I feel like they don't know me that much. Sometimes I might be talking to someone and realize "I don't sound like this, I don't talk like this. I'm telling them this, when in reality I'd act completely differently."

I wish I could cut off people off my life with no backlash, I wish it were that easy. Because I analyze myself, I really do, I spend so much time in this head of mine and I feel the need to analyze my actions, and I can admit when I'm wrong, but I can't point out when other people do me wrong, because I know, I just know. I can be too harsh, too real, people don't like that. Most people don't analyze themselves, most people act without thinking and barely even use their brains, and I'm not saying this to sound superior, it's really just something that happens. I accept my flaws, I accept that I'm stubborn, and proud sometimes, but I try to change my behaviors as soon as someone points out that I've hurt them by acting in a certain way. Will other people do that? Most times, not really, no.

I wish I didn't feel this need to explain every single one of my acts to people that don't get the reason behind them, that I didn't feel all this pressure to explain myself, to make other people happy even though it might make me feel miserable but as they outnumber me, I have to please them. You know, most people you meet in school won't even remember you as soon as it ends, most things you're worried about, all these explanations, peer pressures, it will end when school ends, and you'll realize that yes, you're alone, but did all that even matter? Did you get anything out of those friendships? You don't have to be sad about friendships with no longevity, you really don't. You'll meet tons of people like that, most of them, in school. School is such a small small world and everyone is stupid and selfish and childish and thinks they're superior and they're the center of the earth. I say, fuck them. I say fuck needing approvals, I say shut the door the way you want if you feel like you're struggling, fuck explanations to people who don't deserve them. The only person you can count on, always, should be yourself.