Flip Flops

My last post was written roughly a year ago. Blogging just doesn't create that traction it used to before. Or so I thought. Someone I came into contact recently sparked my interest in all sorts of things I had lost the spark for. This summer has been what I feel like an essential experience and stepping stone to cement myself even more.

Before anything, Gratitude is what has been on my mind religiously.
I used to put a lot more importance in people-pleasing, just couldn't withstand not being there for everyone, for a talk, a walk, I made their problems mine without taking the time to actually focus on myself, probably wouldn't even go the mental lengths I would go for a partner. Partnership, something I had and am learning to detach a bit from, as someone who can easily become co-dependent, not in a needy way, but in a I-will-do-back-flips-to-help-you-and-neglect-my-needs way.

Had you told me 6 months ago about the small adventures I would have lived by now, I wouldn't know whether to cry, shudder, smile or just flee. The truth is that this was a transformative and blessed year, and learning how to let go was essential. From past hurts, relationships, cycles, patterns, memories and thoughts I no longer feel the need to identify with. I tried positivity, being deeply involved in the moment and in life in general, not stressing about outsider perceptions and other input I would otherwise spend hours stressing over. Accepting as is. Being wonderfully fascinated by the present.

I had the pleasure of visiting 3 different towns I had never been to, and visit, explore like a local, with friends, family and most importantly, myself. It's so funny where life gets you, and what it brings to your doorstep when all you did was mumble under your breath what you were wishing for. Somehow, things find their way to you, or you just learn how to make space for them while listening to your intuition, without feeling the guilt attached. What a glorious thought, to realize how many times you can re-invent and feel yourself out.

But then new questions arise, what guides me? What moral compass am I under effect? Have I lost myself? Am I honoring the little kid inside of me, or killing and betraying it unknowingly? What is the limbo in which I can live so as not to get stiffened up by life, nor too lost in my own dreamy state?

Above everything, life never flows in one line, but in a wavy one with big ups and downs and you just need to learn how to better drift in it, how to appreciate the deepness and richness and all the sun you feel on your face once the tide pushes you up again. You can learn how to be compassionate and have a collective love, even while accepting and trying to change the bad. True empathy. I am on a big endless journey to improve my methods and channels of sharing, but that is something I have truly realized, nothing makes sense unless shared, not with one single person, but our own experience can be revitalizing to someone which I have no grasp of. Stories, love is what moves us. We can always learn to learn again. To drop silly inhibitions, to show our real smile. To write, dance, sing, without bearing in mind anything else but the sheer act of it, without thinking I am being watched, or that I look silly. Do it because you feel the need bursting from under your skin because the calling is sacred and can truly help.

I have also been trying to practice on how to show affection in simple ways that can help me and effectively portray my feelings, to also feel more present. I was someone who always deterred from certain displays, who in many ways didn't know how to share that part of herself in a wholesome, non-sexual way. It's so pleasing to work on that, give out real hugs, share all the tears, a simple touch on a friend's arm or a knowing lock of gaze.

"No matter how isolated you are and how lonely you feel, if you do your work truly and conscientiously, unknown friends will come and seek you" - Carl Jung

This quote also resonates to me, as when I listen to myself closely, pay attention to what my first impulses are, and try to balance the energies around me, what I ask for, is what I get, and I saw this happen not only to myself but to others around me. I do not know if that is the Law of Attraction as I don't have enough readings on that to confirm, but it has been impossible not to notice some amazing synchronicities I have been registring all around me. Not everything is positive, and yet, I can always find space to get some perspective on an issue, I can always find the calmer answer somewhere within me, it is there. Empathy is the journey and gratitude is the only destination for sure. I keep living with this child-like gleam in my eyes. Multiple opportunities keep flowing in, and I am mesmerized, and in Love. I just have to focus to come across deep messages held by special people that just so happen to cross my way. Search for inspiration in the little things, be propelled forward.

Change is Good

Hello!

Life is so incredibly messy, that even if I really try, I can't force myself to engage in activities that don't feel real anymore. Progressively, I've just been distancing myself from societal norms, talking back, standing up for myself, and other wonderful things I've learned over the past few years, in which I enrolled in university, and just got sucked into this mind-blowing experience we call Life.

I've fallen in and out of love with it, numerous times, up until now, when I feel as if I've finally reached some of the tranquility and understanding I was looking for in this world. 2016 was a rough year, and it took me a long time to recover from all the scars that were inflicted upon me, and all of those that were self-inflicted. Heartbreak and constant failure can change you, man, and in me, I felt like it triggered a monumental revolution, that led me to a path of acceptance and discovery, that allowed me to renew friendships and start to decode something rooted deep within me.

It feels so incredibly good being in my own skin, being able to just be. Change is constant, and I've felt her, immensely. For that, I am so grateful. It may not look like much, but the stories that these two years encapsule, oh man. So much beauty, and hurt, so many new things, so many lessons.

The thing is, in my new mindset, I can't force myself to write anything unauthentic, I can't write silly, overused captions on Instagram and pretend that I feel that fake intimacy that it gives to so many people, I can't be around people that are not good for me, I try to be as analytical, unbiased, understanding and patient as I can. I'm no longer accepting that my scars bleed over blank pages. I'm no longer denying my reality, the one where I thought I couldn't succeed because I just didn't have the same tools, experience, know-how as the other people; but I am now trying to work with it, make it as much mine as I possibly can. My anxiety has calmed down by a lot, and I just feel a new energy. And it's freaking lovely. I love where I'm at right now, even though people still insist on trying to define my life by me sometimes or try to tell me what version of myself they see through their eyes.

So much on my mind lately, the options seem literally endless. I've been pondering learning a new language, taking new courses and skills, be it collages, pottery, psychology. I've finally decided that upon finishing my senior year, I'll be taking a gap year. I used to feel the need to drift along with what everyone was doing or saying. "That that was valid and this would fulfill you and bring you money as long as you do it by this age, under these circumstances". Even my peers forced me into that stupid box. I don't want to sit in it and be limited to a certain area all my life. I have many years to learn so much. I am ready for all the knowledge that is coming my way!
Many times, when I was feeling down, uninspired, I tried to join as many things as I could, all at once, just to prove that I was doing something, that I wasn't a failure. Always updating social media because how else are people going to keep interested and up to date with you? I now find that so many people seem to do this, just fill their online presence with stuff to prove something. To themselves? To others? Who knows.

Is there any structure to this post? I guess not. I've just been so indecisive about starting to write here again, because it's so pointless but at the same time it could do so much good, especially to my mental health. And on a whim, I just downloaded Blogger and started typing like a monkey again. All of a sudden I couldn't stop, hence the lack of structure. I'm just pumped and feeling creative all of a sudden, imagining all the topics I can now share, my new interests, my new way of rambling (if I feel like it) and just my new perspectives. Until next time,

Love and Light!

Rock bB = Change Lives

Hello!

So, long time no see! I've recently started thinking about getting back on Blogger and write some posts on this old blog, maybe re-vamp it a bit. So much has happened in the last years, months, weeks, so there should be quite a few topics to go over. Nonetheless, today I'd like to talk to you about something new that has happened in my life, and that has the capacity to impact positively so many people!


A couple of weeks ago I was asked by one of the Brand Rep Managers of BeyondBeanie to join them on their mission. Although I was a bit reticent at first since this was not the first time I was approached by a brand (and turned it down, just 'cause afraid of exposure...) I actually accepted and I'm thrilled! The brand's values are wholesome, and their products are just too cute. I annexed some resources to this post so that you can check their online store, mission, and even their TedTalk!


I've only now really started to get more into this commitment, but it has already been so rewarding. I was given a discount code that you can use for 25% off: NESI25; so that's just another reason to go pay them a visit, learn how they are helping to fight poverty by empowering artisans and helping children in need and also help me at the same time, in case you're interested!


Thank you so much for reading and I hope to find you reading my rambles in the near future!

● Inês ●

Getting down with The Get Down | Review

Hello!

As extreme as this might sound, I think I have never loved a tv show as much as I love The Get Down. I am a person who is very critical of the media I consume, because everything from magazines to tv shows has an impact even if we think it doesn't, because more often than not, this media we are consuming are catering to white, ethnocentric ideals, aesthetics, etc etc. I have jumped from series to series and as much as I try to appreciate them without their problematic aspects (racism, homophobia, misogyny) they always stick out to me and make me think that what I watch is a representation of what I am, what I like. Having said this, The Get Down is everything I'm looking for in a series.

The Get Down is set in the late 70's, telling us the beginnings and evolution of what we now know as hip-hop, rap, break-dancing, street art/graffiti and how they were all linked and how they spread in the Bronx. But mind you, this is not just for the fans of these genres, for the fans yes it will be nostalgic, amazing, every other good adjective you may think of; but I re-watched this show with a friend who doesn't like any of these styles of music, and he absolutely loved the show too. It has an astounding capacity of gripping you since the first seconds of the first episode until the last seconds of the last one. Not kidding, when I first watched it and when I re-watched it I saw all the episodes in a row, it was that good to me.

So like I mentioned, the action is set in the Bronx, and the tools we're given to weave around this decrepit neighbourhood are old documentaries that fit in perfectly to show us the true reality of some events; Grand Master Flash and the Fantastic Four Plus One, that'd be Ezequiel Figuero, Shaolin Fantastic, Dizzee Kipling, Ra Ra Kipling and Boo Boo Kipling. From abandoned buildings in the Bronx to gay bars in Soho to thrilling underground parties all over the city, action is guaranteed in the show. The cast is so talented, and some people complain about Jaden Smith but I actually loved his performance? I think it just fits in with his character. But the rest of the cast. Oh boy. I had seen Shameik Moore's performance in Dope and fell in love with him but in The Get Down he was simply amazing, I foresee great parts for him the future. Zeke Figuero's character was the main one, and although he's really powerful, I feel like he never stole the show, and the writers found a perfect balance so that they could all shine. Some characters were not as explored as others but that's what I'm waiting on for the 2nd season. Contrasting with the underground, hip hop vibe of the Fantastic Four Plus One, we have The Soul Madonnas, the group of ladies that stole my heart. We have Mylene Cruz, Regina and Yolanda Kipling, and man do I love my women of colour. They're gorgeous, sing like angels and I love how their different personalities intertwine, it's amazing seeing a good group of ladies without the toxicity and cat fighting. All these characters seem to have fairy dust sprinkled all over them even through the hardships of growing up in such a tough neighborhood and in poverty. The show doesn't have the need to make their lives a tragic sob story to make it interesting, but rather turn it into a story about courage, leadership and hope.

What this show also excels at too is the capacity to mix the historical aspects to other elements of hip hop and whatnot. As a person of colour who is part of the LGBT+ community, it meant a lot seeing beautiful diverse people on screen, rocking afros and every shade of black there is, hearing the different accents and languages, and seeing other PoC exploring their sexuality and people on screen saying that "it's okay", there's no judgement, just colourful, unapologetic queerness. I simply loved the approach to what is such a big topic and also the beginnings of a culture, you almost never see LGBT+ representation on screen besides white gay couples or lesbians that get killed off or other sad stories. It's never this beautiful or happy. All in all this show is amazing at breaking stereotypes. We get shown black men crying, being emotional, exploring sexualities, being nerds. Where else would you get that? Besides angry, muscular black men yelling and shooting guns, or tough gang members, what representation do our black men get? Basically none. The show just captures the heart and soul of the Bronx with all its colourful population, street violence, but also all the music. Oh my gosh the music. No other producer could've done it that well. It's been days and I'm still humming every song from the glorious soundtrack.

The sets, the political statements, the music, the cast, the wardrobe, no matter how flamboyant it gets, it just captures the true essence of those decades, and I love every single second of the show.

Rating on IMDb: 8,6
My rating: 9

● Inês ●

Back On Track

Hello! 

Long time no speak! Or should I say write? With exams and me finishing school for good, also with breakups and drama along the way, I got a little bit lost. This summer was all about self discovery, or re-discovery. I find that some people, no matter how much you love them, hold back your personal growth and in these past few months that's all I've been working towards. I finished school with a very good average, I applied to the colleges I wanted, I went out a lot and met amazing and fascinating people from my town and from other parts of the world! I had a couple of eye-opening experiences, I read, I found new music, new shows (which I'll discuss in another posts!), I walked and left the house a lot and fell in love with myself and found inner strength where I didn't think there was any left.

There were also a lot of bad things going on, before these good things happened, my mental health hit rock bottom, most of it triggered by a really awful breakup. Not having had a support group to get through it I felt lost and alone for the first weeks and maybe months of summer. But as awful as it all may seem when you're going through it, you always survive, the suffocating pain ends up dissipating, you always have yourself to rely on in the end. So here I am. I missed writing, I was so caught up in what seemed to be the end of everything that I lost myself. That's what teenager years are for, I guess, growth, letting go, discovery. I am so ready to get into college (thinking positive here, since we only know if we got in in a couple of weeks), to start a new path, meet new people, express myself the way I want to. My old school was a bubble, and I din't really have a pleasing experience there. It's so surreal, having studied there for 12 years, that it's all over. The safety net was removed from under our feet and now we're drifting, all of us, lost in our own way.

This update got really rambly, but I just wanted to drop by and check up on everything, since this is one of my little personal spaces on the internet. Anyway, here's an overview of my summer through some snippets from my instagram.

● Inês ●

Candy Nails | Kiko Milano Limited Edition

Hello!

Nails aren't and have never really been my thing, although I always like to have them painted, I just never was that kind of girl to have them done, so I appreciate those nail polishes that have an easy application and last long because I'm lazy and honestly who has time to be constantly changing up the colour as soon as the old one starts to chip?

So I've never really payed attention to nail products, but the Kiko nail varnishes have always caught my eyes since I heard so many great things about them. The other day while I was searching through the store looking for the new collections, I came across the Candy Nails collection and decided to pick some colours up to try them. I went with Frozen Smoothies in Fair Persimmon and Candy Canes in Fun Guarana because with Spring and Summer coming along they seemed more appropriate, as well as a strengthening base coat since my nails break easily. I first applied the base and then went on with Frozen Smoothies and the colour went on so opaque for such a light colour! I didn't even need to apply a second coat which I really loved. After it dried down (which was fairly quick!) I applied Candy Canes which is a clear polish with little white, orange and pink particles. This looked so amazing on top of the peach colour, but I bet it looks lovely as well on it's own for a simple but fun look.

These were all 4,90 euros and I'm thinking of getting a ton of other colours because they have such a huge variety and I must say I'm so in love!

 ● Inês ●

Tony Moly Product Review

Hello!

I've been obsessed with korean beauty products lately and just really trying to learn a bit about everything, the brands, the ingredients, the results they have, so as soon as I stepped into Sephora and saw that big shelf saying Tony Moly, I knew I would be dropping a few bucks that day. If you have any knowledge at all about the korean beauty industry you'll know that this is one of the biggest brands in the game, especially known for the extremely cute packaging. At the time, the ladies at Sephora were putting up the first stock of products so they didn't have as many things as they'll have in a couple of weeks, but I'm impatient and had to get anything as soon as I laid eyes on them. And thus I ended up leaving with only two products although I keep checking on my local Sephora to see if there's anything new (I really want to try some of their HydroGel Masks!). 

The first thing on that Tony Moly stand were eggs. Yeah, eggs! Or rather, facial masks with this cutesy packaging. I was intrigued, and chose this one from the Egg Pore line. This mask in particular focuses on pores and blackheads, although the others focus on pores too, they're more suited for people with larger pores, which I don't really have. 

So, getting into the product itself, when you screw the top you have this little container with an orange lid to mimic the inside of an egg. The smell is absolutely gorgeous, it almost makes me want to eat it. It's sort of citric-y without being overbearing, which I appreciate. The consistency is not that thick, it's more like jello, and it has little yellow-y beads that are meant to exfoliate. The first time I tried it, it worked wonders, I kid you not! You're supposed to put a layer of the product on your problem areas which for me is on the nose basically, and rub it gently into your skin for 2-3 minutes until the product turns into a more opaque white colour, and then simply wash it off with lukewarm water. The day after I used this I was constantly reaching for my boyfriend's hands so he could feel how soft my nose felt, because this thing unclogged all of the nastiness that may have been hidden. If you have concerns regarding large pores or blackheads, this line will work wonders for you, and it is fairly cheap (8 to 10 euros if I remember correctly) for the amount of product and the wonders it works!

 And next we have this. Isn't this. The cutest. Eye cream. Ever? I have been on a long search for a good eye cream for a while now, and I know I'm young but since I wear makeup a lot (now less than I used to because honestly I prefer to sleep in the morning rather than waking up half an hour early to beat my face), and eye makeup too, so I tend to tug at my eye area more than what a person would normally, and my eyes tend to look a bit puffy in the morning so I was searching for something that would help. For someone as young as me, it's a tricky task. There are tons of eye creams out there but 1.) they're super pricey, 2.) they're targeted towards more mature skin, and even if it doesn't say they're for older people, if you're young and use some of them, they may actually cause premature wrinkles since you're packing your skin with stuff that isn't needed. And then Panda's Dream came to the rescue, because honestly pandas look cute with their dark circles, but I don't!
The packaging is obviously a panda, and when you pop the top off, it has a protecting lid which I really really value because then I know the product won't be affected by the environment and won't get in touch with unwanted stuff. You then have to screw the blue stick out and it has a really light fruity scent to it and when it comes in contact with your skin it feels immediately refreshing and cooling so it's perfect to wake you up in the morning, and it also feels like it's hydrating the very thin skin around the eye without feeling greasy or too thick like those old people eye creams sometimes feel like. It cost me around 11 euros which is a fair price for the product if you ask me! As soon as I incorporated the product into my skincare regime, I noticed that my eyes have been looking less puffy and brighter which was what I was looking for!

All in all I must say I'm in love with these two products and am really looking forward to trying more from this brand. They also have the cutest lip balms and hand creams which are always a handy thing to have around in case you're not interested in anything to add to your skincare routine!

● Inês ●